I’ve been a bigger dude for most of my life, and my social anxiety, as well as my introversion, has made online dating apps my go-to for talking to women. Although I’m I’ve been in an amazing relationship with my incredible girlfriend for over three years, I’d be doing a disservice by not sharing tips with the big boys out there. I’ve always managed to find dates and date women who should be way out of my league, but I’ve had success because I’ve learned how to play off the strengths and weaknesses of being a fat guy in the online dating scene.
Even if you’re not a bigger guy, take note.
Stop Complaining About the Friend Zone
I’ve been extremely lucky to have a ton of female friends my whole life. When I was younger, I used to get extremely butt hurt because of the dreaded friend zone, but this is the best thing to ever happen to you. By having female friends, you can easily learn the dos and don’ts of online dating and dating women in general.
I can’t tell you how many of my single female friends have given me topics to add to my playbook when it comes to dating. Knowing what these other dudes are doing when it comes to online dating puts you at a big advantage because you can easily navigate the waters when you shoot that first message. Aside from that, having female friends is great because you can run messages passed them before you send them and get advice in different dating scenarios.
You’re at a Disadvantage
On my YouTube channel, I start every video by saying, “We talk about the problem but focus on the solution”, and I adopt this into everything I do. This is why I have no time to complain about how God or the universe or whatever gave me a terrible metabolism and a love for foods that are terrible for me. I used to sit in self-pity wishing I had a better body and better looks overall, but that didn’t get me anywhere.
The best thing you can do is realize that the online dating scene is filled with some Zac Effron looking dudes, and you’re at a disadvantage. You can sit and complain about it, or you can accept it and move on because whining isn’t a good look. Although some of these dudes are built like Greek gods, many of them have used their looks to get them ahead in life, so it’s your time to capitalize in all the other areas of dating.
Read Their Profile
For the love of God, read their profile. Remember how I was just saying how you can capitalize in other areas? Well, this is one of them. The number one complaint I’ve heard from my female friends is that guys just message them and say, “Hi.”. Any guy who does this either has a massive ego, is extremely lazy or a combination of the two. Just about any woman who is a good dating option completely ignores these types of messages.
You need to understand that women get thirsty messages from dudes all day every day on these apps, so your message will be a breath of fresh air.
Here’s the method I used that worked out many times:
- Read the entire profile
- Note common interests
- Write a little bit about each interest
- Always end with a question
I can’t tell you how many responses I received from women who started their reply with, “OMG, you actually read my profile!”. Don’t take this tip for granted.
Ask Questions and Get a Personality
Alright, so you don’t have the looks. That’s fine. Sure, there are many women looking for the next Ryan Gosling, but many of them are so tired of dating d-bags just looking to hook up that gives you an opportunity. This is why you need to develop a personality and not be boring. The best way you can do this is by simply being interested and asking questions. It’s human nature to want people to be interested in us, so asking questions is a great way to keep a conversation going. Many women have been in an endless cycle of talking with self-obsessed dudes who think their shirtless profile pic should be good enough to seal the deal.
Did I mention ask questions? Because you need to ask questions. Nothing kills a conversation quicker than declarative sentences. If you’re having a good conversation and then do this no-no, it’ll end, and then you’ll be stuck in your head about how to pick the conversation back up. So, as a way to avoid this, always have one question banked about whatever topic you’re talking about or another question you have about their interests or life in general.
And don’t be lazy. “How was your day?” is great, but don’t expect it to spark a good conversation on a consistent basis.
Don’t be a SIF
This was a term one of my female friends introduced me to, which stands for Secret Internet Fatty.
There is nothing worse in the world of online dating than a person using their highly practiced camera angle skills only to find out they don’t look like their profile pics. This happens all the time. If you ask anyone who has dated online, they all have at least one story of meeting someone who didn’t look like their profile pic.
Don’t be that guy.
What’d I do to make sure that didn’t happen? I always had one awful pic on my profile. Maybe it was from a bad angle or a pic of my full body. When I say a full body pic, I don’t mean the obligatory mirror selfie. I mean one of those pics a friend took of you while you were out, and you’re like, “God, I look terrible in that pic.” By having at least one of those, you avoid being a SIF.
Most of all, you should have confidence, and by posting one of these pics, it’s an act of someone who is confident. Plus, it weeds out anyone who is too shallow to appreciate you in your entirety (I suggest ladies do this too).
If you follow at least some of these tips, I guarantee your dating life will get a lot better. Level two stuff is asking them out on a date and overcoming your date anxiety, but we’ll get to that at another time. For now, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and don’t ever think someone’s out of your league. Remember, bigger dudes are the best cuddlers, and if you’re not an ego-driven idiot and manage to avoid sending unsolicited crotch pics, you’re already ahead of half the guys out there.
If you struggle with confidence or your mental health in general, I highly recommend the service I use, BetterHelp. They’re an affordable online therapy service, and by using this link, you help support The Rewired Soul.